Celeb's Secret Sex Lives!!!

• Pink reportedly is a huge lesbo with man arms. Duh, I knew that a long time ago, she looks too tough not to be a lesbian. I hate to discriminate. but the short spiky hair, the six-pack and matching guns, the pants suits, the NOT trying to be Britney Spears, seems like a lesbian to me. Her girlf apparently lives in London and is the lip-stick one, which makes Pink the dyky one. How is she going to explain this to her BMXing boyfriend, maybe he too is a lesbian?

• Jessica and Nick are rumored to be...well everything from preggers to dead, but I think there is some truth to their marital woes and the couple haven't been spotted together in for-ev! I think Jessica is a huge flirt that never puts out, you know the type, and Nick is sick of not F-ing the shit out of her on an hourly basis, they probably never F, and so he wants to put his image as "high status man-candy" to good use. She prolly just wants to go flirting around, being a cock-tease, while everyone tells her how cute she is and how they love her. However she needs to find better people to do this with than Bam Margera, GROSS! Oh, barf! Seriously gross people! Disgusting! Sick shit, man, sick shit! Bam, I mean come on?! It's embaressing.....

• Cameron and JT have ended their relationship because Cameron Diaz has passed away, quite painfully, last night. I am just hoping if I say it enough times it will come true. "Dear Lord, when you are done killing Veronica from the Inferno 2, could you take out Cameron Diaz and her stupid funny faces. Please spare Justin though as he is a Hot-a-saurus, also Lord, please tell him to get his cock out. That is all, thank you."