the hot gossip dish.

• The day of inevitable reckoning is upon us, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spawned forth a human baby which will forever be referred to in the tabloids as the chillingly obnoxious "TomKitten." The Cruise child will be the first baby to be born with a tabloid nickname, I am sure this child will turn out well adjusted and grounded in the real world... I mean just look at her Dad! Besides TomKitten her name is also Suri .. which is kind of pretty (I mean it's no "CoCo" or "Rocco" - the best decisions Courtney Cox and Posh Spice [i mean] Madonna, ever made), however, I hate how Thomas and Kathryn are acting like they are super ethnic and spiritual. Crazy does not equal spiritual, how many times do i have to tell them that!!!


• The Simpson-Lachey drama has never been hotter. Their divorce is becoming like LOST or something, each week we get new clues. This week Nick says he never caught Jessica Simpson cheating on him, but he was "uncertain" about her fidelity. Asking Nick if a BJ counts as cheating prolly wasn't the best idea Jessica. ps: I think the father Simpson is behind the Dharma Initiative.


• Speaking of... LOST's Evangeline Lilly was photographed on Easter wearing a pair of bunny ears atop her head. That is adorable and i like her spirit. America get on the bandwagon.


• Now this is just a hypothesis, so if anyone can prove me wrong please let me know, but i'm pretty sure South Park references poop in every show.


• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a sad story. I feel really bad for this girl being so foolish in front of everyone. But I mean it's not like Charlie Sheen had a good track record, especially with the hookers. And she had his baby -oi vey; i guess she's a crazy. I can't say it comes as a complete surprise.


• God I wish this story was true, but I'm sure it's not - Lindsay Lohan was reported to have approached maybe-adulteress Jessica Simpson at a restaurant and wailed: 'What's the matter? When your sister is around, you can talk shit about me, but now that Ashlee's not here, what are you going to do? C'mon! I'm 19 and you're 25. Say something, you coward!" Then apparently Jessica teared up and made her people take the wild Lohan away. But I thought these girls used to do coke together, what happened? Awkward lesbian experience? hot.


• And let me just sum up with the latest in Britney Spears. Their unfortunate child was injured somehow and now they are trying to pawn off the blame on anyone or anything that points away from their own negligence. First it was the nanny and now they want to sue the high chair company because the back broke off thrusting SPF out of the chair. Britney Spears shouldn't be suing anyone, if anything I should be suing her for deceiving me into thinking she was hot.