The History of V-DAY!

Once upon a time, someone, perhaps St. Valentine, decided that there should be a yearly date in which couples could reflect on their relationship and analyze and scrutinize every little part to see what kind of relationship they have and what sort of celebration is fitting of this relationship. Thank you, St. Valentine!! It's not like humans need any more excuses to f-up relationships, now you are going to make it mandatory that everyone label and compare them. Sure many relationships are obvious, and there will be dinner and appropriate gift on V-Day, perhaps love making, but what about those ill-defined relationships? Do you go out to dinner, do you get a gift, and what if you don't? Does that mean you don't have a real relationship? And why am I forced to think about all this? St. Valentine!!!! That bastard is making me put undue pressure on a relationship that I was trying to just ride out and see what happens, but I can't, not on Valentine's Day, on Valentines day I am forced to plan how I am going to feel that day in advance. At least I have some chance of sex having!! Oh and I might also receive a gift or some candies, delicious! St. Valentine, you'll alright after all, ya limey bastard!