It's true, Santa IS my father

• If this was US Weekly, the following bullet would go a little something like this:
  
  
  • That "Nasty" minx Janet is at it "Again" and this news will make you want to "Scream". Ms. Jackson has a 18 year old secret love child whose asking Mom, "What Have You Done For Me Lately". But looks like Janet don't "Miss You Much", it "Doesn't Really Matter" to the superstar who is denying everything. Seems like it will be a while before these two are "Together Again". "If" this story is true, Janet, looks like we "Don't Know What You Got Till it's Gone".




• Also Janet Jackson has apparently changed her name to Damita Jo, which pisses me off cuz that is what I just changed MY name to.


• Cam'ron (no, not Kirk Cameron, I'm glad I cleared that up -thanks DJ Brown-eye!) was shot over the weekend at DC's very own Howard! The rapper, who might be dead -i dunno, i didn't read that part- has finally put the sleepy city of Washington on the map. Perhaps now some celebs will come hang out in the District... oh besides Angelina Jolie, who comes to Capitol City to play Congresswoman quite often.


• Burtknee Speerz is N-O-T gonna let people take pictures of her baby, as a matter of fact she's gonna hide the baby under the floor boards forever!!


• Paris Latsis is gay (not lame, i mean gay like actually a homo) and has "coke-jaw".


• Speaking of Parises, Hilton doesn't waste anytime does she; only weeks after being engaged to the supposed love of her life she has a new man. Wouldn't want to tarnish the sanctity of marriage by letting the gays do it, but letting Paris Hilton whore out marriage for some extra tabloid shots of her hollow carcus, oh that's fine.


• This week on Posh, Beck, Nick & Jessica's Amazing Race!
  
  Posh and Becks hit a snag when they run into Scientology recruiters who rape and murder them only to replace the two with robots created to recruit more celebs. It's good news for team Pecks though, cuz robots are bound to be faster in a race.
  
  Meanwhile, still only miles from home, Jessica can't find her Louie and she thinks her dog is in it so she sent Nick, whom actually went to a titty bar, to go get her a new one. Luckily she followed the trail of "body treats dessert lotions" (or whatever the fuck she sells) that is left in her wake and it lead her right to her coke dealer's house where she had obviously left it.