Top Stories Du Jour

• Madonna is really strict with her kids. Sooo strict that she beats them unconscious whenever they speak.


• Vince Vaughn and Jenn Aniston have been seen making out! And doing that creepy face-holding thing, which is by far the worst form of PDA. I would much rather see a couple totally making out hardcore in public than stroking one-another's faces and looking into each-other's eyes and shit. That shit is creepy and should be reserved for the bedroom only.


• Scooby (Paris HIlton) and Scrappy-Doo (Nicole Richie) are at it again! And in this latest installment of the most important celebrity feud ever, is an alleged "apology note" from ol' Scoobs/Paris (this note is really just "whore" scribbled a bunch of time in crayon). Paris is said to have passed Nicole the note in fourth period, no word yet on Nicole's response but sources say she was seen writing on looseleaf in fifth period using up to four different colored pens! No telling if the added colors were used for word emphasis or margin doodles. But whatever the outcome of this mess one things for certain: Nicole is the winner, cuz I like her the best.


• Ginger Spice is with child! And since Ginger is clearly a virgin this baby is most likely Jesus Number Two!!! So get ready for some big changes to the church all you pious mother fuckers. Cuz if this jesus is anything like its mother, it's going to wear a lot of one piece bathing suits as if they were actual outfits... and big shoes.