Miss me? I know that drunk, Jordan, did. Just look at her! ..that drunk...

This is prolly my favorite story ever. Jordan's husband Peter Andre [of unknown celebrity origin ...perhaps some UK Big Brother? They love that shit over there, WTF is Big Brother anyway? ...besides wack] ..so Jordan's husband wrote some tell all book calling Jordan a mean drunk and alcholic and that she is like abusive and stuff. Which #1, he is like 350lbs of solid muscle why is he being such a pussy about, like "boo hoo, my wife hits me", you would think he would be angry from all the 'roids and that she'd cower in fear every time he entered the room. And #2 they were still happily married when he wrote this book. I mean Peter, give her a reason to drink why don't cha! You should have some spirits waiting for her when you get home, like some expensive champagne that you can buy with the money you made from selling out your wife you ruthless bastard.

Why does Lindsay Lohan's mom even THINK she's famous?!

Lindsay Lohan's mom wants to host a Oprah style talk show. I want to host her lynching in the town square.

Also, she would like to date George Clooney. I doubt George Clooney is interested in crazy bitches that sound like they smoked a pack of Virginia Slims for breakfast. But maybe. Seriously though Dina Lohan -way to set your standards at Sexiest Man Alive, that way you won't be horribly disappointed. She should date that Simpson father, he's a nut-job starfucker too! perfect! oh my god, then Lindsay Lohan will become one of the Simpson sisters! I guess she will be the one with red hair, and then Ashlee will have to switch back to brunette. Then and only then can the three of them fight crime / do a bunch of coke in a club bathroom off their T-mobile Sidekick III.

Bad Idea

This is Heather Mills ex-McCartney. Doesn't she have a wodden leg? Now I have never worn 12" platorm wedges, but I saw an America's Next Top Model where the girls did I am pretty sure they all broke at least one ankle. How is she managing this? Maybe she just hovers? Or maybe she's faking the wooden leg thing to get aboard a pirate ship -I don't know, but I smell fowl play.

Maybe there IS a God

For those of you lucky enough to catch last night's premier of Flavor of Love: I rarely do this, buuuut I am going to make a major shout out to another 'Bloid and give a "must read" to this interview with Toastee administered by the hilarious Michael from Dlisted.com it is wonderful: [ Toastee Interview - Click Here ] And YES it has references to the POOP!! I seriously thought I had seen everything! ...shock comedy for me was basically over ...and then ...a huge angry black woman shits on the floor on national tv ...and THEN she admits to it ...and THEN she says "it could have happened to anyone." It could NOT have happened to anyone. It would have NEVER happened to me. I am surprised she is not literally dead from humiliation.

ps: Thinking about the whole incident gave me church-giggles at work ALL DAYLONG. It was very incriminating.