NEW Barf's Hot List!!! More Sexy Bitches

TOP TEN LADIES

#10 - Whitney Houston, CRACKHEAD - Where da crack at! Whitney is back and O L D old. she is not looking good. but whatever she is back and sans Bobby. I imagine she will be much like the old Whitney only every so often she'll scream "KISS MY ASS" and hit the pipe.


#9 - Lindsay Lohan's Vag, lazy actress - She is smoking hot, but even hotter is her vag. It has become a media darling as of late and I for one applaud Lindsay for stepping out of the spotlight for a second and giving her downtown lips some face time. Kudos Lindsay.


#8 - Jessica Biel, possible lesbian - So Jessica is also smoking hot, which I guess makes her a lipstick lesbian because as you can see from the photo above she is clearly a lesbian (btw - which one is Jessica?). Maybe hot lesbians are the new trend now that gay guys are p-l-a-y-played ...come to think of it, those girls on flavor of love were always calling each other "lesbo" ...and you know Flavor of Love is the leading trendsetter for our culture...


#7 - Christina Aguilera, former number one sexy bitch - X-tina's mediocre album was two discs of riverboat jive or something. Now don't get me wrong -I love a good horn and who doesn't LOVE a riverboat, BUT it didn't sound updated or chic, in the words of Nina Garcia: "I don't see INOVAtion here." Ain't No Other Man is a great single, but it already takes the throwback thing as far as it needs to go and with most of the album being even more dated -seriously Xtina, is this shit coming out of a phonograph or my iPod? I need a little more 'tude from you Christina, how bout like grab your tit and give me the finger.... hey are you giving me the finger right now? you bitch! who do you think you are?! Avril Lavigne or something...



#6 - Heidi Klum, host of Project Runway - This little button is a minx and cutie-pie all in one! Even though they have been dressing her in some ironically hideous outfits on that show, she still always looks amazing. But it's really when she opens her mouth though that I start to fall in love... huh huh hee hee hee... but seriously... her charm is in her accent and curt demeanor -she is always berating these contestants and being sooooo frank, like: "you didn't do a good job and we hated your designs. We felt your look was OLD and MATRONLY." She's worse than that chick on The Weakest Link, but no one is ever like "oh that mean old Heidi", no way, they are like "my god, her bang-a-tude is through the roof!"


#5 - New York, from Flavor of Love - New York is in the mother fucking house. And now bitch is back on the show. She is (as Nicky puts it) inspirational. Let's hope she loses and goes onto her own show Flavorette... i bet I'm right *wink*...


#4 - Vanessa Millano, Nick Lachey's Mtv VJ girlfriend - Vanessa is a fox and is givin' Jessica simpson a real run for her money. Did you know she was Miss Teen USA 1998, I guess that explains these slutty pictures. Let's compare:

and what is this all about Vanessa... huh... what is this... where did you learn that... whore...




#3 - Scarlett Johnanson, maiden - What an increadibly soft and supple bosom Scarlette has. And those lips! oh my! BTW she is DEF Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive 2006 -the clues were way obvious. This has really been her year -even though I didn't see any of her trillion movies that were out... I don't know how I avoided that... I guess through hard work and dedication. See kids, I told ya.


#2 - The lovely Dita von Teese , bride of Marilyn Manson - From what I can gather this chick is from eastern Europe? She is/was a stripper? I love her so much it hurts? I feel like she might be a vampire, or a maybe a sorcerer, or a gypsy... something with powers...


#1 - This Chick, Jean Paul-Gaultier runway model - She may be a size 20 but she's a number 1 in my book!

TOP TEN GUYS

#10 - Anyone BUT - Kevin Federline, Mr. Britney Spears - Seriously this douche sucks so bad and it makes me really upset. But for some reason he keeps getting paid for stuff. People actually PAY for him to go to a club! What?! AND he got an endorsement deal or some shit! What is wrong with these people?! Kevin Federline is the least appealing thing ever... man he sucks so bad.... he even makes his father,... i mean... that weasel, look charming.


#9 - Steve Carrel, funnyman - While Steve Carrel's latest project, Little Miss Sunshine wasn't the laugh riot I was expecting, it was adorable. More importantly the Office is back and better than ever, the coming out episode belongs in some sort of satirical hall of fame. It felt proud to be gay - imagine that! AND enlightened! I guess being gay isn't that bad after all... except for the dues, they're a bitch. Ya know I don't even think you have to pay dues but this guy at work says if I don't pay 'em he's gonna keep punching me in the arm and calling me a fag.


#8 - Channing Tatum/Wentworth Miller, same person? - Neither of these guys have first names!! sup wit dat?! and with those buzz cuts and matching pointy ears I can't tell them apart!!


#7 - Flavor Flav CRACKHEAD w/clock - This guy gets way more handjobs than he deserves. But way to go for getting any jobs of any kind whatsoever.


#6 - Jamie Bell, unknown origins... perhaps the UK - I am not sure who this guy is, but he's a fashion maven. I like this. I like this a lot. It's like a mix of styles from the last 10 years expertly executed. Pip! Pip! He's fit to be on bloody Project Runway, cheerio!


#5 - Mark Foley man with Candy - Oh man, oh man. A scandal this delicious hasn't erupted since never? ...oh that whole Chandra Leavy murder mystery was pretty good -didn't that Senator pretty much definitely kill her and then got away with it? That was a weird one too, it like ended abruptly. People were obsessed and then one day everyone vowed to never mention it again I guess.

Onto the downfall of Chicken Hawk, here are some reason's why it's so great:

A stuffy republican gets destroyed for being a gay pedophile. Just what the people who voted for him were afraid of in the first place. So now his loyal drones are all confused -they don't know WHAT's going on -all those stuffy republicans will probably vote libertarian next time they're so topsy turvy!!

The instant messages between Foley and little 16 yr old "Billy" are hilarious. He uses what he thinks is teen lingo to seem cool and relatable so he can get into this boy's cyber-pants. Let's enjoy some excerpts of Mark's -what I call- written romance, shall we....

• "did you spank it this weekend"


• I think this one's my favorite... "where do you unload it"


• "I have a totally stiff wood now"


• "[grab] the one eyed snake"


• "i am hard as a rock..so tell me when your reaches rock" ...my god that one's gross


• "cool hope [your mom] didnt see any thing" -this one is great because it is sooooooooo child molestery


• and last but not least... "lol"

They actually posted those instant messages and more on ABCnews.com. Now the World has a play-by-play of what goes down in a molestation. I am sure the PTA if having a field day with this one.

House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-OH). There was this guy named Senator Boehner -sound it out- putting his two cents in about the breaking story. Is it my birthday?

#4 - David Beckham, Hotty wit a Body - I have been asking Santa for a Becks sex tape for years now and let me tell ya, that fat bastard is good for nothing.


#3 - Micheal Knight, from Project Runway - Sure he's a shoe-in to win, but the real mystery lies in Michael's sexuality. Huge fag? the official word is no, but my heart says yes. Regardless he is adorable and though he didn't make the greatest first impression I think he has good character and is definitely a great designer. I'm rooting for you Maybe-Fag!!


#2 - Brad Pitt, DILF - 40-something never looked so hot! Brad refuses to get unsexy, he can't! I mean he's got look, a motorcycle AND money -$20s specifically- what more do you people want?! ...and you know a GLADD award is on the way for that shit he said about not marrying Angelina until the gays can get married too ...but to be fair he said "until everyone who wants to get married is legally able" or something -I hope that doesn't include Canadians, cuz that's some sick shit dude... keep that shit in Canada...


#1 - Justin Timberlake, Prince of Pop - Is it any wonder Justin Timberlake is again the number one most sexy bitch. Way to pull through with FutureSex/LoveSounds, you should talk to Christinia about the whole "worth the wait" concept. I recently had the pleasure of viewing said Timberlake at the exclusive 9:30 Club in DC, and it was nothing short of amazing. By the end of it, there was a puddle of panties on the floor -and you know my man-panties were up in there.