Ten Things Happening Right NOW!!! ...or just a second ago...

1. The Rapture.


2. Star Jones leaves the View to concentrate on lowering her eyebrows.


3. Naomi Campbell beats up the help again? you got to be kidding me. Fuck Tyra, get this bitch a talk show.


4. Kevin (one of the creepier ones) leaves the Back Street Boys; he instantly becomes 10,000 times cooler.


5. Tom Cruise throws a fit because people won't pay as much for his baby's photos as they will for Brad and Angelina's. Huh, let's see: two most beautiful people ever have a baby versus a total nutcase/hobbit and a robot. Actually I would pay the same to see both.


6. Britney Spears is donning a new black bob-type haircut and she's giving off a Halloween vibe. Not sure why, just getting Halloween from it, it looks kinda like the wig you would get with a witch costume at K-Mart.


7. Jennifer Lopez embarrassingly forces herself upon New York's Gay Pride acting like an icon or something. She is married to Marc Anthony, MARC. ANTHONY. The gays do not support this, stop spoiling our weekend J-Lo!


8. Rain continues to pour down upon the good people of the Washington DC area. Rush Hour reaches catastrophic proportions.


9. Somewhere in the world a nipple is slipping. Jessica Simpson I'm looking at you.


10. Somewhere in the world Courtney Love is slipping someone a "nipple" -i'm not sure what that's street for, but i'm terrified none the less.