Starbucks Changes "Espresso to "Up Juice"

The evil people at the Starbucks Corporation announced Monday they would be changing the word "Espresso" on all their evil paraphernalia to "Up Juice". PR rep, Lord of the Underworld, stated in a press conference "We want to attract a young audience, specifically ages 5-12. We feel in order for our empire to suck the money out of every human being on this planet, we need to start young, that's when the blood is the freshest, I mean that's when they are most susceptible to advertising and building addictions. I meant to say, 'Up Juice' is fun and gimme your money!!!!!" So I think its safe to say Starbucks wants your money and you better hand it over! Also hand over your kids, those underground armies aren't gonna build themselves people.