These Facts are Mostly True

• Dakota Fanning it considered the top actress in Hollywood because her films have grossed the most money, twice as much as Julie Robert's. And she has baby teeth. I can't wait for her to grow up, get big boobs, star in a teen comedy about popular people in high school, become a coked-out tabloid mess, and eat rice cakes all day wearing oversized sunglasses.


• Jessica Alba's hair gave a great performance in The Fantastic Four and is a shoe-in for best supporting actress. It's so versatile.


• The final two Kept men are Austin and Seth? I think Jerry's had a little too much "tea."


• Jessica Simpson's new workout video is going to make a fortune! That video will be everything from pre-teen masturbation gold to a bible for girls with body image disorders everywhere. I'd say 95% of America either wants to (a) do her, or (b) be her... or (c) be her best friend (those would be the gays). This is gonna blow the thigh-master away, and in the day Suzanne Summers spreading her vagina open in rhythm for an hour probably raked it in.


• Has anyone else noticed that Kate Bosworth & Sienna Miller are like the same person? as well as Jude Law & Orlando Bloom? All four of them should just mix their juices together.


• Paris Hilton is said to fly south for the winter, since she is, in fact, water fowl.


• Misha Barton's new beau, Johnny Wujek, is actually a fag, I thought he looked familiar. Why didn't you call me back Johnny? I left you like 30 messages. dick.


• Check out this trailer for The Skeleton Key it looks fantastic. I am not quite sure why I love Kate Hudson so much, but I do.