I wonder how hair extensions hold up in a fight?

• Micha Barton and Paris Hilton are engaged in a duel to the death. Micha: too skinny? Paris: international embarrassment? Both: petty and stupid? I don't think either one of them has the upper hand in the personality or smarts department so I think this battle royale should come down to who's prettier. It's just that simple folks, and since Paris and her share basically the same body who's more attractive is decided by the face. So clearly Micha Barton wins by a landslide, she has a beautiful Nutrogena face and Paris looks like some kind of water fowl. So now it is up to Barton and Richie to form a ragtag bunch of celebrities to go against Hilton and Lohan in a series of highly choreographed scuffles mostly involving break-dancing and catty remarks -kinda like in White Chicks.


• Sexy sex-godess Jessica Alba is P.O.ed at Playboy over putting her on their latest cover leading consumers to believe the young actress was featured inside bearing her hot body and sure to be even hotter genitals. Oh Playboy, putting Jessica Alba on the cover to boost sales, are we? Well played, well played.


• Hey you guys, there is a show coming (to Fox of coarse) where they lock people underground and then have them fight over money. Well played, well played.


• Jessica Simpson is reportedly getting fat. Let's hope this is just "reportedly". What is with chicks with hot bodies getting fat, i.e. Britney, Janet Jackson? It's like these girls spend all day maintaining their sexy physiques and then just snap and eat strictly Little Debbie for weeks. I understand being hot in hollywood is a lot of pressure, but how stupid can these girls be; that's where their money comes from. I guess these girls don't like money. Next to crack: Halley Berry.


• Speaking of Jessica Simpson, she is definitely losing to Nick Lachey in the post-divorce season match-up. While she was getting fat -reportedly- he was making out with Alissa Milano on Charmed (probably), filming an ultra-hot shirtless workout DVD, banging a chick with even bigger boobs than either of the Simpson girls, and he doesn't have to hang out with Jessica's creepy CREEPY Dad, wanna get the creeps?


• How come KFed is allowed to wear his hair in corn-rows? We should have a government agency to protect against stuff like this. He looks a lot like Corey Clark, and now, come to think of it, Britney Spears looks a lot like Paula Abdul... huh...


• This morning I heard a radio commercial for "Ellen's Futons" and this spot insinuated that a futon would facilitate you getting laid. It even featured some chick saying "There's room for two on this futon...." Now I'm not saying that a futon won't help your chances of getting laid, but if so you must be offering them something pretty bad to start out with, like a pile of hot coals or a bed of nails or something.


• Oh, and uh, Nicole Richie weighs 3lbs. the end.