How Celebs Celeb-rate President's Day!!!

O President's Day, why don't I get you off from work? Why must you be this sort of holiday enigma with no real customs or fun purpose? Couldn't we all at least wear tricornered hats today, or a top-hat for old Abe, it's your choice. That would be a good custom actually and you could see which prez is more popular by the tricornered to top-hat ratio. However it's a little too late for totally awesome customs this year, but maybe some celebs can salvage the day, let's see what celebs are definitely without a doubt doing today:

• Britney Spears - eating and probably farting.


• Pink - sitting around thinking she's better than everyone else.


• Ryan Seacrest - getting botox.


• Janet Jackson - hopefully deflating herself.


• Michael Jackson - molesting.


• Ashley Olsen - sending candid photos of Mary Kate to the press so the tabloids will finally realize she's the pretty one and that MK sorta looks like a witch... and a troll, but that's obvious. {Need proof? Click here}


• Nick Lachey - having sex with a steady stream of various sluts on a pile of Jessica's money.


• Ashlee Simpson - waiting in line to have sex with Nick Lachey on a pile of Jessica's money.


• Cher - checking out her new pad she bought from Vincent Gallow for 4.5 mill and pondering how the hell Vincent Gallow got 4.5 million dollars in the first place. Vincent Gallow is the Brown Bunny guy right? The one that looks like he can't even pronounce the word bathe or hygiene, right?


• T. Rajeevnath - alerting the media that he didn't really think Paris Hilton was perfect for the part of Mother Teresa but rather the frail prostitute with syphilis who is smote down from above for her sinning ways. Sounds like it's gonna be a good movie.


• Tommy Lee - wondering if the embarrassment over getting beaten up by Eminem's entourage for making fun of Kid Rock is worth "ending it all." Mayhaps Tommy, mayhaps.


• Kid Rock - wondering if being Kid Rock is enough to end it all. Definitely.


• Paris Hilton - getting a pregnancy test. Have you seen her recently, either she is eating or she's pregnant. Check out this... ugh, i hate this term... "baby bump"... i just barfed.


• Carrot Top - applying a pound of make-up and then heading to the gym.


• Me - all of the above.