It's been a long time I shouldn't have left you; without a dope beat to step to... step to, step to, step to... step to, step to...

Hello! Ja miss me???? Good. Yesterday -as we all know- was Mother's Day. Awww... If a day of the year could materialize into a pink carnation, Mother's Day would be that day. Let us all rejoice and reflect on some Hollywood Mother-Daughter/Son pairs and see how they celebrated yesterday.....

• Joan and Melissa Rivers had a grand old time getting plastic surgery (cheap shot)... annoying celebrities (cheap shot) and pretending their show on the TV Guide channel -in which they only get half a screen- is important and a real show (cheap shot). God, it's got to be hard for them, ya know, being a person who's an embarrassing waste of space at all times.


• Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson prolly also had a grand old time getting plastic surgery, but I won't make fun of them for that, cuz at least these two look good. And I defy a woman to top Goldie Hawn's movie career in the 80s and early 90s (expect maybe Shelly Long). Everything she touches turns to gold... Death Becomes Her, the First Wives Club, um... other stuff. And that daughter of hers, Kate, is so cute she deserves a parade.


• Donatella and Allegra Versace: you can't spell "Mother's Day" without "Champagne and Coke", well.... who needs to spell anyways, it's no'sexy.


• Britney and Sean Preston spent most of the day in the bathroom with a hand-held mirror while Britney tried to wrap her head around how come a baby comes outta there. I mean they told her that's what happens, but looking at Sean Preston something just isn't adding up.


• Resse Witherspoon and her children spent Mother's day being blond and perfectly wholesome.


• In the true spirit of Mother's Day, Kathy and Paris Hilton show off their vaginas in local celeb hotspots, leaving the rest of us to ponder: "It's mother's day again already?! It seems like just yesterday these two were flashing the cooch all over town and/or various retirement communities...."


• Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice spent her Mother's day stunned that she has children and insisting people must be mistaken. She would never get that fat for anything, especially something all small and dirty and that is most likely going to ruin her Bulgari.


• Katie Holmes spends M-day re-charging the batteries in Suri... and then the Cruise.


• Sharon Ozbourne fucking fucked around all fucking day with those cock-eating shit-for-brains assholes Kelly and Jack, god damn mother fuckers....


• Courtney Cox wastes the whole day asking CoCo if she's skinnier than Nicole Richie.


• Jennifer Aniston kicks herself and then sets up a tea party for herself and that baby she should have had if she ever wanted to keep a man.


• Angelina Jolie fills the day with trips to Jenn Aniston's house to pick up the baby accessories she "accidently" sent to her lover's ex-wife's house. God, what a bitch.


• Whitney Houston spends her special day on the phone with China trying to sell her kids into slavery, cuz that crazy bitch is coming down and you know what mamma's like when she needs her crack kids.


• I spent my Mother's day with my lovely mother, whom I love very much. Way to go Patrice, you rock the house!!