Who's Gay in Hollywood?!

Enticing title, eh? If anyone does know who be gay in the Bizz, let me know so I can stalk them; I'm trying to be rich and famous, but not in a "i worked for it" way so much as "i spend the money and look good in the tabloids" kinda way. Kinda like Kobe's wife. I wonder if he's gay? He clearly has no problem forking over his children's college funds for an "i'm sorry" ring. Jackpot! (Who am I kidding he would have to have like 80 kids going to ivy league schools to equal the cost of that ridiculous purple slab of diamond he bought for Vanessa - it was $40 mil. i think. Who needs 40 millions dollars condensed down into the size of a quarter?! The preciousness is so dense It's overwhelming; I would buckle under the constant stress).

-@-note: I do have one answer for who's a flaming queer: Ryan Flamer Seacrest!!! ...and ricky martin...-@-

Real CNN.com headlines!!!! yeah, we love those! wahoo! yipee!!!

• [LINK] Bush to back constitutional ban on gay marriage - Yeah, he would do that. This struggle is not about rights it's about religion, and that's not fair. America, who has deeply regretted injustices in the past, should wake up for once and STOP trying to make this thing a Constitutional Amendment, that is taking it way too far. It is like they are lining up all the gays and then are going down in a row -one by one- giving us all one big hard slap in the face. those mother fuckers....


• [LINK] College Student Makes Millions Between Classes - I F-ing hate stories like this, it makes every college kid feel like a loser for not already making those big bucks. It's like they're saying to you: "these kid's stupid idea they all came up with while sitting around drunk and stoned worked for them, how come your ideas never work, loser!" That's it; I AM gonna make that toothbrush that plays mp3s.


• [LINK] Thailand coping with odd yellow shirt shortage - But that's where they make the shirts, can't they just make some more? I am so confused. That's like the ocean running out of water. Are we out of the color yellow? Oh shit, we must be. Bees are going to be worth a fortune now!


• [LINK] Two Found Dead Inside Deflated Balloon - This story is really sad actually. Both these kids were 21 and college students and they were just going to climb into this balloon and it was gonna be all fun and silly, ya know, a real larf. Next thing you know they're dead. It was probably those stoned kids that were making all those millions ...at least i hope so.

Celebrity Happenings

• OFF: Matthew MaConaughey & Penelope Cruz, who are sexy as all hell, have stopped making love, possibly for good.


• ON: Jake Gyllenhall, Bohemian-boyfriend gold, is now dating Natlie Portman and I bet Kirsten Dunst is fuming; I'd like to see those two hipsters have at it ...scraps of vintage tee flying everywhere... headbands and scarves barely recognizable....


• Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant, so does this mean she's gonna get all fat again? Or is she going to be a lean pregnancy, like Debra Messing or Angelina Jolie? I have a feeling she prolly just inflate herself back to a size 32 in a few weeks.


• Paris Hilton, who has a catchy new single, was recently filmed pullin' up to some hot club doing what looked like drugs!!!! By the smoke in the car and her surprised and spastic body language when realizing she was caught I think we can safely deduce that Paris was smokin' a doobie, or maybe a roach. Paris is denying the allegations insisting she was "just smoking laxatives cuz it helps you get skinner right as you hit the club. Get skinny girls! You're fat!"


• Oh Beyonce! Oh why, oh why!!! Beyonce recently performed at a WALMART Shareholders meeting. And i officially hate that bitch now. WTF, Beyonce, WTF!!!! I'm going to send her a box of WalMart's patented "Box of Underage Sweat-Shop Worker Fingers Worn to the Bone" or perhaps one of the gift baskets of broken dreams and poverty that WalMart issues out to most of middle America and then we'll see if she whores herself out again to those greedy pigs. bitch.

Bitter Ramblings

• I hate the metro. It's so inhumanely crowded I feel like a giant blade is going to come chop all our heads off and then they'll make us into some sort of Perdu "Quik Strip".