Celebrity Gossip Forms Glossy Blob; Destroys Most of West Coast

The following tit-mouse, i mean, tid-bits from the Blob where retrieved:

• Get you love drunk off my hump? My hump, my hump, my hump? my lovely little lumps? Black Eyed Peas, you got some splane-nin' to do!!!


• So many people have been getting divorced it's hard to keep it all straight, so let's go over who and why:
  
  
  
  • PEEPS: Chad Michael Murry & Chick (I believe also from One Tree Hill) REASON: Um, cuz he's a horny young twenty-something celebrity in sin city and the thought of not sleeping with those strippers keeps him up at night.
  
  
  • PEEPS: Kathy Griffin & Really Dopey Guy REASON: simple, he is dopey. Kathy Griffin is pretty great too, and a fag-hag. "My Life on the D-List" is an over-looked reality show classic. A) she is pretty funny at least in banter form B) she keeps at least 2-6 gays around her at all times.
  
  
  • PEEPS: Let's not forgot how it started, Brad & Jenn REASON: Brad now banging the sometimes sporty, always sexy, Ms. Jolie.
  
  
  • PEEPS: Renee Zellwigger and Keney Chesney REASON: He is gay.
  
  
  • PEEPS: Tori Spelling & Lover REASON: She just sobered up from a four year binge and realized a new nose job and husband were in order. Then she flashed her vagina at some papparazzi.
  
  
  • PEEPS: Myself & Franziska REASON: Oh Franziska stop complaining, you got your green card.


• The rumor-mill is a buzz with this Demi & Ashton wedding and sources say it was a hoax for Punk'd. Huh, that sounds like a lame thing to do, it must be true, Ashton's never let me down before! Like a rock he is, you can always count on him to be lame.


• Crush-Factor (1-10): Ryan Renyolds: 9 - Jesse Metcalfe: 10 - The Rock: 9.5 - Jake Gyllenhall: 8.5 - Heath Ledger: 9.5 - robots: 3 - Bill O' Reilly: 0 sorry Bill, you're disgusting.


• X-tina just had her bachlorette party, could her wedding be just days away? I don't mind X-tina getting married cuz i can count on her to always be slutty/great, ain't no man's gonna tell her to put panties on!


• Micheal Jackson is beefing up his image and we can look forward to a more "macho" less "gay pedophile" MJ. I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything more macho than a gay pedophile.


• And last but not least, Britney's baby is what we in the gossip biz call "fool's gold" it for some reason is big bucks but only fools care about blurry pics of a wrapped up baby. It's a baby, they all look the same: like a baby; especially when they are all wrapped up. How bout the tabloids start covering stuff that really matters, like exclusive screen shots of Jake and Heath making out on Brokeback Mountain.