K-Fed Takes Time Out of His Busy Pants Dropping Schedule to Plant a Celebrity Tree

• Gay Parie's suburbs have been rife with rioters over the last few days. I for one can think of better places to riot than the burbs; setting ablaze to the neighbors shrubbery doesn't seem like the best way to stick it to the man. I would at least goto the Mall where I could riot a smoothie and one of those cinnamon-sugar pretzels, those are delicious!


• Want to get a jump start on making fun of K-Fed and his new "music career", now you can! [Click here for a clip] His "single" Y'All Ain't Ready is basically the disaster I had anticipated, at least lyrics wise, but his voice, which sounds identical to Eminem, is semi-interesting especially when he puts a little sass into the chorus: "Back then they called me K-Fay'ed, but you call me Daddy instay'ed." However Kevin is still the worst and even with all the street cred of Hillary Duff, he still will never make it in the rap biz, I think the people would be more responsive towards a Christmas album though.


• "Tom Cruise has received an award for becoming the biggest ever money donor to the Church of Scientology." reports theBosh.com. Terrif, Cruise, you bought your own religion! Now you can make gaysex (not with me though shorty) part of the Dogma. And you can keep doling out these meaningless awards to yourself, you crazy crazy little man.


• Don't you think it's about time Sienna Miller reveals exactly what purpose she serves and why she's famous? I do.


• Matthew MaConaughey is the current leader in People's poll of the sexiest men with ol' Brad in 5th place and Jake Gylenhall at number 3. Missing from the list is myself, which must be some sort of website malfunction, fucking internet....


• Mr. Cent has been giving his opinion on politics and Katrinia to reporters as if it is worth anything. Seeing as that Fi'ty is a Rhodes Scholar and all, he should prolly just publish his political theories so that we can make it a required reading in schools.


• A typical day for Jennifer Love Huge-Tits prolly consists of about half giggling, a quarter scrunching up her nose, and the rest pouting. A typical day for her lover prolly consist of trying to get the right amount of sedatives into her drink so that she passes out, but doesn't die, long enough to fuck her get outta there before she wakes up and starts talking again.