Oh NO they di'int

Nothing that doesn't have to do with Madonna or Tom Cruise is going on in the world of pop culture right now, except maybe some celeb Halloween costumes



So I think now is a good time to talk about why in the world Hillary Duff and Joel Madden from Good Charlotte are dating. Let's break down some possibilities:

• They are both partially blind and mostly retarded.
• Joel needed more street cred so he decided to go straight to the source of street cred: Hillary Duff.
• Joel is actually Haylie Duff in reverse-drag. (I know the above pic shows them both together at the same time, but it's just smoke and mirrors people, don't be fooled).
• Hillary can't windex those big teeth all by herself, it's too much work for just one person.
• Joel loves horses!
• Joel, like Duffy, is also enslaved by the Disney Corporation and we all know Disney likes to see a good wholesome HETEROsexual relationship. It's for the kids, if someone doesn't show them how NOT to be gay how will they know?!
• Both their brains have been hallowed out and filled with pumpkin seeds.
• Joel wants people to call him "Duffman".


Enough of that! Onto:


Ballooning Shenanigans: Posh Spice, David Beckham, Jessica Simpson & (last and least) Nick Lachey Go 'Round Da World!!!!

(Special Guest Writer DEAN!! Who I like to call DEANAWEEN!!) This week:

The celebrity ballooning couples crash-landed on Taradise and it is like Lost...but drunker. Meanwhile back on Earth, Janet Jackson's Lovechild turned out to be Justin Timberlake (which makes the whole superbowl thing even weirder)! So then the One (He Who is Naturally Born of A Jackson) sets sail to the Island of Topless Drunk Sluts (next to the Isle of Girls Gone Wild) and save the beautiful people from the evil clutches (by that i mean cursed hand bags) of...oh, let's say Dr. Phil. All in accordance to the prophecy (i.e. That 50 Cent song). The doctor needs the beautiful people to sacrifice them to his evil goddess...O-PRAH and Dr. Phil dispatches his evil mercenaries, B2k sans Omarion, to bring the beautiful people to him.

Meanwhile, Jessica is eating sand on the beach while Nick is having sex with a coconut. Beckham is forcing a monkey to redo his corn rows, while Posh spice is trying to contact her evil Scientologist overlords (she's been a spy all along!) So she finally gets a signal to DarkTom & Travoltatron, who are on their jet. While the evil witch Kelly Preston and her swishy robot tend to the pregnant Katie Holmes, DarkTom & Travoltatron pilot their ship for Taradise!!!

So as we conclude this episode...Justin is in a ship made out of a his teenage girl fans on his way to the fantastical island, when he suddenly spots something in the water...who can it be?
who is it?
oh my god.
It's Ace of Base.
but where have they been all this time?
where?
fade to black.