Nicole Richie Dumps Her Man, I Dump He-Man

• J/K! He-Man and I are a still together, when you have a love as strong as ours, it can't be broken. But I am NOT J/K-ing about Nicole and DJ AM, they really are calling off their engagement after fighting for "several days." Apparently working things out is for losers, but sleeping around is in! Thank god, finally I'm cool.


• Making the Band 3 season finale is tonight! And Diddz has promised the public to finally make this god damn band. Piddy makes horrible decisions and sucks at recognizing talent, so I am sure he will cut the two superstars: Aubrey and Aundrea, in favor of that stupid JAP girl Melissa or the unbelievably annoying Shannon. Oh, and he will for sure keep Denosh, since she sucks the worst, is an incorrigible bitch, and black as the night.


• I hear, Michael Jackson is on drugs! I am not sure what kind of drugs would turn you into the epic weirdo that is MJ, but we certainly need to educate our children against it. We'll just show them his face and a list of his criminal charges, oh and some pics of what he did to that poor monkey.


• Dude, all sorts of kids from LOST were caught drunk driving (what?! kids shouldn't be driving!!) including Michelle RRRRod-RRRRegas. Michelle has tequila for blood though, and that combined with performing the sobriety test in a sombrero has got to screw up the results.


• Mariah Carey has got so many Grammy nods that heads are snapping off all around her.


• Coke is planning a new fierce ad campaign (i know what you're thinking, no Tyra has nothing to do with it) and they have clearly put their best men on it because part of the plan is to reveal a new Coke product with coffee in it called "Blak" aka "Worst Idea Ever" aka "Caffeine Heart-attack" aka "Bowel Cleaner."


• Lindsay Lohan blows off her obligations for blow again. But in her defense it was a scheduling error, her blackberry clearly said 9-10:30: coke binge.


• Britney Spears, fearing a resounding "I told you so" from the media has decided to work out her marital woes with ol' Feddy. Plus his rap career is about to take off, so she'd be an idiot to leave him. And we all know Britney Spears is no idiot.


• Fergie finally admits she peed her pants on stage, which is silly for her to do now. I had almost forgotten about the whole unfortunate incident and now it's all come rushing back: the speculation over crotch sweat, the suggestion of a tampon, the horrible realization that Fergie is gross...


• Santa Klaus trivia! Did you know there is only one female reindeer? and of course her name is vixen, that's hot.

Thanks to my scoop scout Nixie! Who's a ten in the face, slim in the waist, phat in the ass, wha' do you want a taste?