Mmmm... Salmon...

CNN.com Headlines

• Company unveils salmon flavored soda. Finally, I have been waiting eons for the refreshing taste of fish in my beverage.


• 'Cool mom' gets 30 years for sex parties. Oh yeah, Mrs. Johnson, that old slut. I did her. I mean she threw a really good party: the finest columbian cocaine, blunts, Cristal. I thought it was only polite to have sex with her. Plus, "she's not like a regular Mom, she's a cool mom."


• Katrina proposed as Time's Person of the Year. I see... um... Katrina isn't so much a "person" as a "hurricane"... right?


• I burn my mouth on some blazin' hot coffee. Those bastards at Exxon/Mobile win this round.

The Juice

• K-Fay'ed breaks his hand dancin' too hard. When you are as bad-ass as that mother fucker you don't give a shit if you jank-up your grizzle stick breaking out your fly dance moves cuz that's just how you roll dog.


• Snoop Dog is puttin' out a brand of hot dogs! You know what I think would really do the trick after putting Snoop's hot meat in my mouth: some Salmon Cola. D-lish!


• Posh Spice had a boob job. God I hope so. Hey Posh, tell Nicole Richie to get one to, she's screaming for huge tits.


• God Tara Ried is an idiot; and not pretty.


• Jake Gyllenhaal is back with Kirsten Dunst. He MUST be gay, she is a saggy titted pilgrim for crying out-loud, no man with normal heterosexual urges would be attracted to that.


• They are making another Scarey Movie sequel. Looks like writing letters to your congressman DOES work.


• The infamous Dean is funny, check it out!