Look-out America!

• Enrique Iglesias for some reason has announced to the World that he has a small penis, such a small penis that regular condoms are useless and they hang on his genitals like a little boy wearing his father's dress shirt. While it is an adorable image, it's also a scary one and one that fills me with shame and I'm not the one with "baby dick". It makes me wonder what kind of disturbed individual would share this embarrassing secret with his legions of female fans that he makes his living off of. Run Anna Kournikova! Run!!


• Michael Jackson is broke as a joke. Actually broke would be a step up for Jackson, who owes $270 million in unpaid loans. I knew I shouldn't have let that creepy boy-lover borrow all that money, what was I thinking?!


• I can not get over Paris's fake engagement ring. Well... one time I got into a fight with Nicole Richie and tried to one-up her with a fake engagement and a colossal Cubic Zirconia that I bought for myself too; so I guess I can't blame her.


• Speaking of fake engagements Lindsay Lohan has neither confirmed nor denied that she is going to wed lame heart-throb Jared Leto. I HAVE confirmed though that Jared Leto totally sucks and is only a minor league hottie; though his body in Highway was outta this World, his "music career" is pathetic and vomit inducing. Need proof? Look-out below!
  
  


• And in summary....
  J-Lo: not dead.
  Madonna: looking good, she looks like a fem-bot and I like. (still fails as a person though)
  Britney: if I wanted to see a tired looking girl in a baggy cardigan and some sweats I'd go back to college and actually attend those 9 o' clock classes.
  Jesse Metcalfe: smoking hot! And by smoking I mean: maybe high.
  
  
  Thanks Hollywood Rag for this hot pic of my perfect hunk-of-(maybe-too-tan)-man!