Finally, a lesbian gets a day time talk show

• And just like that Rosie O'Donnell joins the View. What is up with the view, I feel like they pride themselves in having really abrasive people on there. Barbara Walters, Star Jones, those other bitches, and now Rosie. I might actually have to tune in, we might see our first live death on TV America!


• Oh wow, this Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards fiasco (which I am now referring to as "Sheengate") made some serious developments in the last few days. And I mean shocking and serious developments. Like I don't even know where to begin. And Mr. Sheen is also in two other unrelated headlines today! He should prolly slow down (and focus all this attention on this 911 conspiracy)... the crazy bastard.
  
  But anyway, Denise Richards has been saying all sorts of stuff about Charlie, my favorite of the allegations is that Denise caught Charlie looking at naked, possibly underage, boys on the internet and when Denise approached him about it he said "I hope you fucking die bitch!" Aww young love. To be fair though Denise ALSO caught Charlie looking at underage girls on the internet to which he added "i hope you get breast cancer and die" and i believe he even wished her "face cancer", which is more of a group of cancers than one specific type... so he should prolly do a little more research before vexing the mother of his children. These things are just the tip of the iceberg it gets MUCH weirder, look here!
  
  However, Denise is no angel. She has already moved on. And in the last fifteen minutes she had the new guy's kid, divorced him and moved on again (slut). But seriously she was puttin the moves on the DISGUSTING Richie Sambora while her BFF Heather Lockler was still married to him. Denise even urged Heather to divorce him. But I mean who could blame her, no one can resist this stud. If I were Denise I would be nervous because I have seen almost every Melrose Place and you do NOT want to mess with Heather Lockler, she owns D&D Advertising for crying out loud!!!!



• Kimora Lee and Russel Simmons are getting a D-vorce. Is this chick retarded?? I think he replaced his blood with liquid gold a few years back and I am pretty sure he eats precious gemstones for breakfast. And so, Kimora Lee, a flippant golddigger i might add, wants to leave him?! I hope he's the one kicking her out and I hope he gets to keep those adorable kids. What an ungrateful bitch. Oh and another thing Kimora, what makes you think someone wants to spend a half a million dollars on a diamond encrusted Baby Phat logo, no one is that devoid of taste.



• Brit-knee Spears is "pregnant" again. Sure Britney, and then in nine months you'll "miscarry" and then be "pregnant" again. Quit coming up with excuses to be fat and just work out, g'dammit!



• I try to stay away from this whole Pete Doherty & Kate Moss mess, mainly because they are British, but this is too crazy to not mention. Recent photographs have shown Pete (aka UGLIEST man alive - he looks like that baby with no face) injecting heroine into the arm of some passed out slut on his dirty kitchen floor. He must of been confused, the Pete I know would never waste drugs on some girl that is probably already dead. Unless he wanted to make sure she was dead, in which case I guess this all adds up.



• I am very upset with Snoop right now, but I am going to assume he was just being pier-pressured when him and his entourage severely pissed of British Airways. The "dog pound" (is that just a Randy thing? that's a Snoop thing too right?) and the head dog himself were trying to get all up in the VIP lounge at British Airways but those in the group who didn't have first class tickets were denied exclusive access to VIP hotness. So naturally they start fighting with the airline people and eventually take their rampage throughout the airport where they then proceed to battle security. Needless to say they didn't make it on the flight, and British Airways has banned all of them completely. As they should. I am very disappointed in these guys, Snoop always seemed so nice and fun loving, i didn't realize he was leading around a band of goons. And the stupidest place to pull a scene like this is in the airport, don't they know they need that flying box to get home. But I guess jail is pretty sweet too; I usually pick a cell over the comforts of home. Snoop's been released and everything should be okay now, cuz I hit Snoop with a rolled up newspaper and rubbed his nose in it.

Even Satan has too much class to shop at WalMart

PLEASE GO HERE AND SIGN UP:

WakeUpWalMart.com

These WalMart people are evil and need to be stopped. They woud kill your parents if they had the chance. In a heartbeat. If you contain any human emotions then you will agree something has to be done. Also check out the movie, WalMart: The High Cost of Low Price

the hot gossip dish.

• The day of inevitable reckoning is upon us, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spawned forth a human baby which will forever be referred to in the tabloids as the chillingly obnoxious "TomKitten." The Cruise child will be the first baby to be born with a tabloid nickname, I am sure this child will turn out well adjusted and grounded in the real world... I mean just look at her Dad! Besides TomKitten her name is also Suri .. which is kind of pretty (I mean it's no "CoCo" or "Rocco" - the best decisions Courtney Cox and Posh Spice [i mean] Madonna, ever made), however, I hate how Thomas and Kathryn are acting like they are super ethnic and spiritual. Crazy does not equal spiritual, how many times do i have to tell them that!!!


• The Simpson-Lachey drama has never been hotter. Their divorce is becoming like LOST or something, each week we get new clues. This week Nick says he never caught Jessica Simpson cheating on him, but he was "uncertain" about her fidelity. Asking Nick if a BJ counts as cheating prolly wasn't the best idea Jessica. ps: I think the father Simpson is behind the Dharma Initiative.


• Speaking of... LOST's Evangeline Lilly was photographed on Easter wearing a pair of bunny ears atop her head. That is adorable and i like her spirit. America get on the bandwagon.


• Now this is just a hypothesis, so if anyone can prove me wrong please let me know, but i'm pretty sure South Park references poop in every show.


• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are a sad story. I feel really bad for this girl being so foolish in front of everyone. But I mean it's not like Charlie Sheen had a good track record, especially with the hookers. And she had his baby -oi vey; i guess she's a crazy. I can't say it comes as a complete surprise.


• God I wish this story was true, but I'm sure it's not - Lindsay Lohan was reported to have approached maybe-adulteress Jessica Simpson at a restaurant and wailed: 'What's the matter? When your sister is around, you can talk shit about me, but now that Ashlee's not here, what are you going to do? C'mon! I'm 19 and you're 25. Say something, you coward!" Then apparently Jessica teared up and made her people take the wild Lohan away. But I thought these girls used to do coke together, what happened? Awkward lesbian experience? hot.


• And let me just sum up with the latest in Britney Spears. Their unfortunate child was injured somehow and now they are trying to pawn off the blame on anyone or anything that points away from their own negligence. First it was the nanny and now they want to sue the high chair company because the back broke off thrusting SPF out of the chair. Britney Spears shouldn't be suing anyone, if anything I should be suing her for deceiving me into thinking she was hot.

Kisses!

The Top 3 downloaded songs today are:

• 1. Bad Day - Daniel Powter


• 2. Control Myself - LL Cool J and Jennifer Lopez


• 3. Let U Go - Ashley Parker LittleGirl Angel

People are idiots. That LL Cool J & J-Lo song was written and recorded by my dog a few years back and it sounded better.

Uh huh, right Tom, totally....

"She's a woman who's not afraid to be a woman" - Tom Cruise on Katie Holmes

That is so weird, women are usually TERRIFIED of being women, I guess Katie Holmes is special.

The Rumor Mill

Check out these rumors!!! ....most of which i made up.....

• CBS has announced it will provide shows free of charge for on-line watchage. However, you have to sit through commercials! Aw man, commercials suck, I hate them and I fast forward right through them on MY fancy television, but I guess for you on the lower rungs of the feudal system commercials are prolly pretty cool and, I would imagine, informative ...what was that? Soap is on sale?! We better act fast!


• Britney's baby is getting taken away by the government, FINALLY! One down, a few more to go, next stop the TomKat child...


• Ryan Seacrest makes love to a woman! This one I DEF made up. I hate that fag. He is that guy that is super insecure so he says the meanest and most hurtful thing he can think of at all times ...and he says it to like retarded children. I could imagine Seacrest being like "hey little Suzie, boy you sure do look funny, you must be extra-retarded." and everyone in the room is like "hey inappropriate douche bag why don't you go fix your nose job you lame freak!!!!" I really hate that fag. On the serious side though folks, I did hear Ryan Seacrest has had a ton of plastic surgery and has gone botox over-board.


• Marky Mark takes time out of his busy pants dropping schedule to plant a celebrity tree.


• Whitney Houston mistakenly snorts her own dandruff. Still gets high.


• Bucky Covington has a twin brother named Rocky [true]. This is my favorite family ever.


• Jake Gylenhall, super gay? i hope so! I am not sure where this rumor started (surprisingly it wasn't from me) but Jake was set to come out of the closet this week, but now his publicist is singing a different tune, a heterosexual tune. Everyone wants Jake to be gay soooo bad, maybe he should just go ahead and do some gay-sex and get it over with. You know what, since I am such a nice guy, I'll volunteer. Call me Jake!

and now....JOKE OF THE DAY
(warning: this joke requires intimate knowledge of Ghost Writer, PBS and Veronica Mars ...and that gay guy from the Real World a few years back, you know the latin one that was on Ghost Writer and he and his sister worked at their parent's grocery store and they had to like struggle with being ethnic and stuff.......)

"Let's contact Ghost Writer and tell him how good we did! ...although, he always makes me write dirty stuff to him...and take my shirt off...."
- Dean, in reference to us figuring out the whole Veronica Mars bus-crash mystery

Sup Sexy (and not-so-sexy) Ladies of Hollywood!

It's a new post so people can stop looking at that awful picture of Wilmer Valderamma!

• Jessica Simpson will NOT wear her very own discount line of denim called "Princey." Wow, did you come up with that name yourself Jessica? cuz it's really good and you should be really proud. However, it's probably not the awful brand name keeping Ms. Simpson from modeling these hot sexy jeans, more likely it's the fact that they retail for 20 bucks on sale at Walmart. Jessica, I don't blame you, I would never wear generic denim ...let alone from Walmart ...and let alone on sale. So, the-former-Mrs-Lachey, if I see you so much as hold up a pair of those poorly made sweat-shop knock-offs I will hate you forever, deal? deal.


• so NoTORIous is my fav new show and that little Tori Spelling is just adorable isn't she! She is the cutest ugly person ever, and I love all her costars (especially the fag) and her "big big boobies, boys like those too!" Bravo Tori, Bravo!


• Ah, Katie Holmes and her silent birth. This is a HUGE news story right now, so how come the police haven't gotten involved. This MUST be illegal people. I fear this child is in serious danger.


• Britney Spears, who once held the top spot, fails to even make FHM's top 100 sexiest woman by 20,000 votes this year. I wish she was here right now so I could point and laugh at her. Stupid bitch. I told her so.


• Paris Hilton has this to say about former gal-pal Nicole Richie: "I can’t believe it. She looks horrible. It’s really sad." To which Nicole replied: "Too tired... to speak.... sooo skinny......"


• and PS: I thought I told Hollywood to STOP being so boring! Do something you dull vapid puppets! Cuz I have nothing to write about :(