Don't lie to me!!!

Dlisted.com, one of my fav sites!! has posted the following pic of who they say is Kevin Federline!!! He has apparently cleaned up for an article in "Item Magazine". But there is no way this is KFed; while he still looks like a douche (so maybe it is him) he actually looks attractive. And KFed is NOT good looking. This guy looks like someone I would give a handjob to under the table at a republican convention and then brag about it... and i swear if I accidently give a handjob to Kevin Federline, I'm gonna be pissed!

So THAT's where Taylor Hicks got that name from....

Fresh on the heels of Taylor's Idol victory a shocking scandal has erupted over his beloved followers "Soul Patrol." Looks like it was in fact some sort of gay bondage recruitment camp. We have the video right here. Click for full version, but beware there's a butt in it.

Hot Shots!

courtesy (whether they know it or not) of Hollywoodrag.com

Avril Lavigne: When did you become my favorite? When I wasn't looking? Must of been cuz I REALLY -i mean really- hated you!




Jessica Simpson: I had a feeling you wore a mask most of the time... speaking of which where is that mask now...




Janet Jackson: I wish I could lose 100lbs in two weeks. Was she wearing a fat suit before? Are we being Punk'd?




Mariah Carey: I hate you. You apologize to Xtina right now. PS: you look like the fat Chipette.




Vivica A. Fox: I can't stop looking at this. It's like a car accident.




Mr. & Mrs. Marilyn Manson: Oh I like! Married life has been good to you Marilyn, quite the dapper look!

So, you're rich, that's still no excuse for being fat and gross, sorry Brandon.

This douche bag, Brandon Davis, and his partner brain-dead-moron in crime, Paris Hilton, were out and about last weekend just being the pinnacle of class. You know, eating caviar, riding in luxury cars, kicking ugly people in the crotch and dousing the poor with beach. And let us not forget when they went on a rant about Lindsay Lohan saying all sorts of things I won't repeat, but I will link to [please read if you have not].

Now Lindsay Lohan might not be my favorite, but no one deserves someone talking about them like this to the tabloids, it's pathetic. This is not how adults handle their problems, this is how children -bratty annoying little children- solve their problems. And I don't hear anyone (besides myself and the rest of the gossip sites who are also appalled) talking about how disgusting Brandon Davis is. He barks on and on about how no one would want to have sex with Lindsay Lohan (which is absoluelty untrue) and acts like people would want to have sex with him (which is absoluelty untrue). I mean this guy really thinks that all his not-even-kinda hard earned money is a replacement for being a respectable human being. Why do people like him want to be assholes, is it because he is that miserable?

And let us not forget Paris Hilton. Actually let's do, she's obnoxious.

Seeing shit like this makes me wanna give to needy children or pet a homeless dog or something; just to make up for all the negativity energy out there. Can't we all just get along.

(disclaimer: I am pretty sure P. Hilton is sooo pissed because Lindsay was making out with her ex, Stavros, and I can see why she is upset, but grow up. And Lindsay, would you stop going through Paris's dirty laundry, would you really wear something from Judy's)

It's been a long time I shouldn't have left you; without a dope beat to step to... step to, step to, step to... step to, step to...

Hello! Ja miss me???? Good. Yesterday -as we all know- was Mother's Day. Awww... If a day of the year could materialize into a pink carnation, Mother's Day would be that day. Let us all rejoice and reflect on some Hollywood Mother-Daughter/Son pairs and see how they celebrated yesterday.....

• Joan and Melissa Rivers had a grand old time getting plastic surgery (cheap shot)... annoying celebrities (cheap shot) and pretending their show on the TV Guide channel -in which they only get half a screen- is important and a real show (cheap shot). God, it's got to be hard for them, ya know, being a person who's an embarrassing waste of space at all times.


• Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson prolly also had a grand old time getting plastic surgery, but I won't make fun of them for that, cuz at least these two look good. And I defy a woman to top Goldie Hawn's movie career in the 80s and early 90s (expect maybe Shelly Long). Everything she touches turns to gold... Death Becomes Her, the First Wives Club, um... other stuff. And that daughter of hers, Kate, is so cute she deserves a parade.


• Donatella and Allegra Versace: you can't spell "Mother's Day" without "Champagne and Coke", well.... who needs to spell anyways, it's no'sexy.


• Britney and Sean Preston spent most of the day in the bathroom with a hand-held mirror while Britney tried to wrap her head around how come a baby comes outta there. I mean they told her that's what happens, but looking at Sean Preston something just isn't adding up.


• Resse Witherspoon and her children spent Mother's day being blond and perfectly wholesome.


• In the true spirit of Mother's Day, Kathy and Paris Hilton show off their vaginas in local celeb hotspots, leaving the rest of us to ponder: "It's mother's day again already?! It seems like just yesterday these two were flashing the cooch all over town and/or various retirement communities...."


• Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice spent her Mother's day stunned that she has children and insisting people must be mistaken. She would never get that fat for anything, especially something all small and dirty and that is most likely going to ruin her Bulgari.


• Katie Holmes spends M-day re-charging the batteries in Suri... and then the Cruise.


• Sharon Ozbourne fucking fucked around all fucking day with those cock-eating shit-for-brains assholes Kelly and Jack, god damn mother fuckers....


• Courtney Cox wastes the whole day asking CoCo if she's skinnier than Nicole Richie.


• Jennifer Aniston kicks herself and then sets up a tea party for herself and that baby she should have had if she ever wanted to keep a man.


• Angelina Jolie fills the day with trips to Jenn Aniston's house to pick up the baby accessories she "accidently" sent to her lover's ex-wife's house. God, what a bitch.


• Whitney Houston spends her special day on the phone with China trying to sell her kids into slavery, cuz that crazy bitch is coming down and you know what mamma's like when she needs her crack kids.


• I spent my Mother's day with my lovely mother, whom I love very much. Way to go Patrice, you rock the house!!

Nicole Richie: "I'm thin enough to fit in Paris's Vagina"

notice how I spelled Paris's Vagina with a capital V, that's because at this point her giner is a proper noun.

• Paris Hilton hater, Nicole Richie, announced that: duh, she knows she really skinny, what do you think she's been trying to do for the last year, get all skinny obviously. She then goes on to say she's hot and everyone is just ja-ell-ous! and that bitches need to stop jocking her. She mentioned something (okay, this part is real) about how she goes to a doctor to help her gain weight and look like a normal human being. The doctor, of corse, said she is probably anorexic and that's the only thing that makes sense. Obviously. What a waste of money, Nicole, for half the price I could have told you to eat something. As a matter of fact, keep your money (you need them for some fake tits) and I'll even treat you to a hamburger ...or one of those swedish nutrition bars my mom gives to the kids in Africa to help them gain weight...