Tom Cruise Bukakked

For those of you who have seen the clips of Mr. Cruise getting shot in the face with a huge load you can join me in snickering at the phallus that squirted in his eyes and mouth. Sources say Tom was shocked by the warm liquid sensation and thought the taste was a little salty but found the whole thing oddly familiar. Tom suspects aliens were behind the prank and has since pledged 12 billion more dollars to Scientology in the hopes it will keep him safe from the volcano people, crazy bastard.