It's Halloween Bitches

It's All Hallow's Eve and we all know what that means... hot ghost cock. I for one like to go out into the night searching for ghastly ghouls looking for a good time, and I usually find them (or was that zombie really just a homeless guy...) But remember to use protection because spirits from beyond the grave tend to be big sluts.

ps: Fuck a Pumpkin!

just some things about stuff

The only reason to have a secret marriage is to attract more attention to it than a regular marriage. People have been speculating if Brad and Angelina have wed for months now and Demi & Ashton just got married and who's still talking about those two losers? Who? Nobody!

I predict Keira Knightly to be the next young starlet to become too famous too fast and make a mess of herself. For her knockers check out this pic [for grown-ups] from a weird movie called The Hole with a chick that I think is Kelly Ozbourne?

By popular request, A side-by-side breakdown of the GOOD and EVIL Lindsay Lohan!!!!!!!!!


The good Lindsay:
Goes to school. Does her homework.

The evil Lindsay:
Sleeps around. Parties with Avril Lavigne.

Now the real question is which ones which? AAHHH!!!!!

It's true, Santa IS my father

• If this was US Weekly, the following bullet would go a little something like this:
  
  
  • That "Nasty" minx Janet is at it "Again" and this news will make you want to "Scream". Ms. Jackson has a 18 year old secret love child whose asking Mom, "What Have You Done For Me Lately". But looks like Janet don't "Miss You Much", it "Doesn't Really Matter" to the superstar who is denying everything. Seems like it will be a while before these two are "Together Again". "If" this story is true, Janet, looks like we "Don't Know What You Got Till it's Gone".




• Also Janet Jackson has apparently changed her name to Damita Jo, which pisses me off cuz that is what I just changed MY name to.


• Cam'ron (no, not Kirk Cameron, I'm glad I cleared that up -thanks DJ Brown-eye!) was shot over the weekend at DC's very own Howard! The rapper, who might be dead -i dunno, i didn't read that part- has finally put the sleepy city of Washington on the map. Perhaps now some celebs will come hang out in the District... oh besides Angelina Jolie, who comes to Capitol City to play Congresswoman quite often.


• Burtknee Speerz is N-O-T gonna let people take pictures of her baby, as a matter of fact she's gonna hide the baby under the floor boards forever!!


• Paris Latsis is gay (not lame, i mean gay like actually a homo) and has "coke-jaw".


• Speaking of Parises, Hilton doesn't waste anytime does she; only weeks after being engaged to the supposed love of her life she has a new man. Wouldn't want to tarnish the sanctity of marriage by letting the gays do it, but letting Paris Hilton whore out marriage for some extra tabloid shots of her hollow carcus, oh that's fine.


• This week on Posh, Beck, Nick & Jessica's Amazing Race!
  
  Posh and Becks hit a snag when they run into Scientology recruiters who rape and murder them only to replace the two with robots created to recruit more celebs. It's good news for team Pecks though, cuz robots are bound to be faster in a race.
  
  Meanwhile, still only miles from home, Jessica can't find her Louie and she thinks her dog is in it so she sent Nick, whom actually went to a titty bar, to go get her a new one. Luckily she followed the trail of "body treats dessert lotions" (or whatever the fuck she sells) that is left in her wake and it lead her right to her coke dealer's house where she had obviously left it.

Saint X-tina?

• Fresh from the nunnery, Sister Christina Aguilera has announced that she would like wedding guests to donate to charity rather than give her that blender she so desperately needs. Though nuns can not marry, the parish decided that X-tina is a wild nun and can not be tamed.


• Thank God! Lindsay Lohan went back to dark hair!!! [Click for Pic!] And I think this means the original Lindsay is finally fighting off the demon that possessed her body right after Mean Girls, immediately depleting her energy source, those huge tits, and controlling her body until now. I have seen a lot of movies and peeps usually change hair color/style when they change from good to evil, or back again. Once those two basketballs that were grafted to her chest return, we will know Lindsay has finally defeated the evil spirits within. PS: by "demon" and "spirits" I might mean colossal coke addiction, but I'm not sure.


• Has anyone heard this shit about not talking on the cell phone next to a gas pump? Way to tell me like 5 years too late, pumping gas is so boring I can't think of when I haven't been on the phone when pumping it. And I am certainly not going to stop... pumpin' it... and pumpin' it. The price you pay for a world of instant gratification and constant entertainment is that every once and a while one of those devices goes nuts and kills you. This is why I am pro-robot as well. If we develop robots, it will still be a few years before they are smart enough to take over and by then I will be dead suckas! But I will have enjoyed some crazy adventures with my robot slave, like instructing him exactly how to build my mansion and the proper to way to chloroform a stripper and then drag them back to said mansion.


• Sometimes, in everyday-speak I will say something "drops at the ten spot" and I feel a little bit of shame.


• Oral Jelly is a ketchup packet for erectile disfunction, go ahead Google it!


• Tom Sizemore, some F-lister (he might not even be famous) is claiming he banged Paris Hilton and taped it, which sounds reasonable. And for once Paris is insisting she didn't have sex with someone. Though in her defense it wasn't "someone", it was a whole group of guys.


• This week on Posh.Becks, NIck & Jessica's Trip Around World: Posh and Becks are lagging behind because they keep insisting they have bloody tea and scones and shit. The Lachey's are not much better off though, Jessica's eye whitening has left her almost completely blind and Nick has been in a London pub for two days watchin' sports.

SUCK MY BALLS!

• I just watched a Law & Order SVU, clearly written by Republicans, in which they basically said all gay people have super AIDs and are spreading it to their multiple anonymous sex partners because they are too high on meth to stop themselves. I can tell you life as a gay is not that glamorous; every once and a while I get discounts on movie tickets, but that's about it.


• "All the networks are fighting over it" barks Paris Hilton in reference to the on-again Simple Life! It's sorta like Paris Hilton absolutely refuses to go away. Stubborn bitch.


• Gay rumor du jour: Ricki Martin, an old classic and I think it keeps coming back because he is GAY.


• I want to see a show with Nick & Jessica and Posh & Becks and for them to do like a "sweet valley high kids" versus "vulgar British nymphos" type of race around the world in a hot air balloon.




• Has Jessica Simpson had her eyes whitened? It looks like Ashlee has done it too. Creepy Factor: 8.5.

Top Stories Du Jour

• Madonna is really strict with her kids. Sooo strict that she beats them unconscious whenever they speak.


• Vince Vaughn and Jenn Aniston have been seen making out! And doing that creepy face-holding thing, which is by far the worst form of PDA. I would much rather see a couple totally making out hardcore in public than stroking one-another's faces and looking into each-other's eyes and shit. That shit is creepy and should be reserved for the bedroom only.


• Scooby (Paris HIlton) and Scrappy-Doo (Nicole Richie) are at it again! And in this latest installment of the most important celebrity feud ever, is an alleged "apology note" from ol' Scoobs/Paris (this note is really just "whore" scribbled a bunch of time in crayon). Paris is said to have passed Nicole the note in fourth period, no word yet on Nicole's response but sources say she was seen writing on looseleaf in fifth period using up to four different colored pens! No telling if the added colors were used for word emphasis or margin doodles. But whatever the outcome of this mess one things for certain: Nicole is the winner, cuz I like her the best.


• Ginger Spice is with child! And since Ginger is clearly a virgin this baby is most likely Jesus Number Two!!! So get ready for some big changes to the church all you pious mother fuckers. Cuz if this jesus is anything like its mother, it's going to wear a lot of one piece bathing suits as if they were actual outfits... and big shoes.

TV!

Can I just say that Survivor is a waste of airwaves, or whatever the fuck tv is made of.

They should use Survivor's canceled airspace to fit in the recently ditched Simple Life 14-or-so (even though Paris and Nicole had both signed contracts). I was really looking forward to seeing how they were going to make a show where the two stars don't talk or interact at all. Rumor has it they were going to basically do a Wife-Swap/Trading Spouses with Hilton and Riche, but apparently that was going to be too great and would literally blow viewers minds.

I need those Geeks in the compact car with all the writing on it

(notice I capitalized the Geeks cuz I am talking about specific geeks, "Geeks on Call" maybe, or "Geek Squad")

WARNING: not about celebrities, please skip if you don't know about webpages,

Internet Explorer makes this page show up all weird, with the posts real far down on the page, after the sidebar, other browsers has them next to each other. Anyone know how to fix this!!! I have tried everything, I'm going to kill myself!!!!

My most intimate thoughts

• So I bought what I thought was a Men's Magazine like Details and it ended up being a "gay-mag" which you would think I'd be into. But it was terrible! It was just like Laguna Beach, there was a lot of name-dropping and I had no idea what was going on, nor did I care. Why must gay culture be so viciously exclusive people, maybe if the gays hung out with some straights every once and a while we wouldn't be sassing people in sweatpants and calling eachother "girl." Hey gays, we are men who like men, let's try to be a little more manly... as long as we don't have to get dirty or do work.


• Oh Aaron Carter, you are the coolest. And don't worry that you're trying too hard with your new tattoos and tough pot-head slacker attitude; you can overcompinsate as much as you want but nothing will ever make up for "Aaron's Party." You are the definition of lame, get used it.


• Hey MB3 fans! Whatever happened to that "Move your body, shake your body, get naughty naughty..." song form last season? Diddy you had a hit on your hands and you let it drop. I'm not sure Puffy can be trusted to make this band, I mean you saw what happened last time. He is probably to busy buying dog dresses for his Maltese. No joke he has a little "princess" dog and dresses it all frilly and prolly gets its nails done and shit.


• Umm... when did Katie Holmes get this pregnant? I think this might be a really old Catherine Zeta-Jones and Micheal Douglas pic.
  
  Also I hear Katie can't talk at all for the first week the baby is born, based on a few videos I watched in AP Pysch, I think that will make the baby retarded.

Thank you all for coming, you all looks great and blah blah blah

So this is it ya'll, the new site. It's about as exciting and informative as Britney's baby wrapped in a blanket, but I promise to post some trash soon!

In the meantime, here's this I guess:
There is an episode of the highbrow Mtv show Next where this chick makes all of her guys get into speedos and then judges their bulges, and if they won't do it she kicks them off. First of all isn't Mtvs supposed to be for tweens? Is this what we should to be teaching them? Second of all, what a good idea!

Click the Goddamn Button and goto PopBarf.com! (not a Lost reference, i'm actually talking about that button below, right there, with the explosion)

So it's official, the new www.PopBarf.com has been unveiled and it's awesome power (and alarming similarity to this page) has smitten Pure Prattle and has since usurped it's legacy and already droves of your popular athletic peers are going there. So grab your Kools and a wine cooler and head on over!... Also, there won't be any new posts on here so you should prolly go over to PopBarf.com and see which celebrities are gay or not.

so remember never go to pureprattle.blogspot.com again! it sucks!!

Click here to go to my new site, www.PopBarf.com

Fuck PurePrattle, what the fuck does that mean anyway?? Popbarf is the new shit!

So 'tis official PurePrattle is getting it's second sexy makeover! Expect more skull and cross bones and probably those hamster things that danced around - remember back in like 95 when the internet was first born. And the makeover doesn't stop there, oh no, the new name will be Pop Barf and will be at www.popbarf.com.

Expect the new site soon!... but not too soon.

I promise I won't do this again...

I swear this is the last time I post a spam comment I get on this blog, but this one is even better than the black asian dating one:

"hi, this is the first time on this blog - and i was wondering if anyone knew anything about baby-modeling or child modeling and talent agency. I found a site about **baby modeling** and i was wondering if anyone had bought whateve it is that they want to sell."

Yes, I would like to buy a baby modeling please.
Are you a pedofile?
Ummmm...No.

It's Your Boy, Diddy!

When did Diddy decide he was "my boy" I don't like him imposing that relationship upon me. Plus he continues to be racist this season with implying that for a white person to be talented they need to "channel that inner black," that's old hat Diddy. He also continues to reward girls for losing weight. And through it all he manages to be the most un-intimidating no-nonsense tough guy ever.

Let's talk about some off these girls individually, shall we?

• Aubrey: Hot hot as usual but she is drifting onto the path of JLo and Nicole Richie, i.e. she is one shiny golden color from head to toe. But because she isn't rich it's probably a cheaper tan and hair treatment, so she's starting to look like she needs to just take a shower. And she might be getting, dare I say, too skinny?


• Aundrea: Jesus, my love for Aundrea (aka "Little Muff") knows no bounds. Her hair has gotten fluffier, her gloss has gotten glossier. She reminds me of a cute little puppy just brought home from the puppy store. Aawwwww! If Diddy eliminates her I'll bomb his house.


• Malika: I feel sorry for her. She so ugly.


• New blond chick: She's not as pretty as she seemed at first. I don't think I'm into it.


• The "jeans" girl: Why did Diddy like her so much? I guess she's cute, but not Audrea cute.


• Chelsea: She looks enormous. She might be like 6', 180 lbs. Kinda gross.


• Dominique: She still looks fat. But now she's hungry and mean. And kinda greasy.

Am I also glad to see they kept the grown-ups from last season. Oh Lorriane I love you, I'm gonna "Boom Boom Bap A Boom Boom Bap" the shit outta you.

I understand that Diddy is having anxiety about giving these girls luxuries, since he feel flat on his face with "Da Band". But the prison thing is kinda weird. He better not make them walk to Brooklyn. They have heels on!

Special thanks to guest editor and MB3 aficionado Katie Garfield.

Nick Lachey & Holme's Alien Baby Sex Tape

• So Katie Holmes is pregnant huh? I thought it was weird when Tommy Cruise kept insisting I spit out his semen in these viles that he promptly stored in the freezer. I didn't give it much thought at the time though, cuz I was too busy being creeped out by the room full of Scientology "faith assistants" watching me give ol' Cruise a BJ. But whatever I gotta pay rent!


• Britney and K-Fed have a sex tape. Actually "sex tape" makes it sound too "sexy", it's more like a sloppy drunken humping tape. Though the tape has yet to make the rounds on the internet rumor has it (alla PerezHilton) that the tape contains disturbing bleeding. This news is gross and I wish this story was about a second Colin Farrell sex tape.


• If you haven't heard about Lindsay Lohan's car crash then you are blind deaf and dumb. Apparently this is front page material and deserves a spot right next to mass murders and the Iraq goings-on. If only there was a way to keep track of Lindsay at all times, perhaps a TV station with up to the minute coverage.


• If Jessica and Nick broke up, I just want to know, is it cuz he's gay? Cuz if he is gay I will totally do him. I know, I know, it's cheap to hook up with him on the rebound, but....


• Now I don't know if this true, and I only like to report the honest facts, but Portia De Rossi only eats meals standing up. However, she throws up bent over. J/K I love you Portia! and since we're both gay maybe we should try hooking up.

Stars, They're Just Like Us

• So Paris Hilton apparently pissed herself while waiting in line for the lady's room. Or is such a lazy rich snob that she now just expels her urine and feces and has people that clean it up and put a new Roberto Cavalli feather number on her while she just stands there.


• American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino is illiterate. But more importantly she's always leaving the god damn door open, is she trying to air conditioning the outside? jesus! was she raised in a barn?! Well that would explain the not being able to read.


• Hillary Duff's boyfriend Joel Madden is prone to hissy fits and had some mean things to say about Kelly Clarkson, whom he thought was saying bad things about Hillary Duff. A) Joel is in high school B) Kelly Clarkson is a robot engineered specifically to be sweet and nice all the time (sorta like Vicki from small wonder, only less sexy) so she couldn't have said anything about Ms. Duff. But I can. you look weird Hillary, I'm not sure what it is, but you look weird.


• Also in Paris news, the Pariseses have broken their engagement to the shock of the nation! So this was all a publicity stunt, oh Paris, I expected more from you. Paris is now engaged to Santa. Good power move Paris.


• You didn't hear it from me, but Kate Moss does coke.


• I hate Brtish celebrities. There I said it.

Hey, I work in a resturant now!!

A couple observations I've made during my host training at an undisclosed restaurant:

• Lingo is rampant, and catches on like wildfire, even I'm talking about "deuces" and "four-tops!"


• about 10% of the people are overly upset about everything and 10% are a bit too excited.


• It's not as sexy as "Kitchen Confidential" would have you believe. But props to that show for having my favorite airhead Jamie/James King, she plays stupid like non-other.
  
  
  Believe it or not that's Jamie king. still don't know who she is? check here.


• Old people take a long time to do anything, like walk, or settle into their seat; and in the fast-paced restaurant world, it's just rude.


• Telling people to wait is a good feeling, like a power surge.


• You can have as much coffee and diet coke as you want! No way!!


• The cooks won't talk to you. I don't know if it's because you're gay or because you're white, but they won't talk to you.